Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday's thoughts!

How do you make a child do chores??? As I was pondering this question, I decided to try a different approach to get my daughter to do some chores around the house. While she does help out here, I was in a hurry to get everything done before I went to bed last night. As it usually goes, I get up early and work all day around the house, cook dinner, do laundry, etc., and I am usually the last person to bed. Not that I am complaining!! To her defense, she does clean her room and bathroom once a week, but the other chores are not usually done without a struggle of power. Yesterday, I went for a different approach. I asked for help and to my surprise, it worked. Not only did my daughter clean her room, she also took the birdcages out and cleaned them, actually bought her dirty laundry downstairs, and made the plates for dinner, and then she actually took the garbage out! And also to my surprise, after it was all finished, I did not get a bill for her services, but I did say thank you. I explained to her that when I was a kid her age, I was cleaning on a weekly basis without question and that was expected of me as a responsible member of a family. I also gave her an article to read off of MSN about chores and money, and also cooking. While I can teach her somethings, cooking is not my bag, so I will leave that to her dad. However, she can use the microwave quiet well, and she learned that from me!! It was nice for a change to have help, and it was even better that all was finished without a fight or a struggle about her summer schedule! Who knew that all I had to do was ask for help!! I might have gotten to bed earlier!!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Show on tv

Last night as I was flipping thru channels on the tv, I came across a show that caught my attention on A & E. The show is called Intervention. While I am lucky to not have a person close to me that has a serious addiction to drugs, I found this show to be a total eye opening experience to a real serious problem in the US. While the show is extremely graphic and real life experiences are involved, it opened my eyes to alot more than drug addiction and alcoholism. The show presented family members that were trying desperately to help their troubled family members by allowing themselves to be totally taken advantage of because of their love and devotion to their family member with the addiction. The show follows the everyday addicted family member, and then collects the family members to stage an Intervention. During the intervention, a counselor meets with the addicts family to discuss the intervention. The counselor advises the family that most of them are not helping the addict because they love them to much to put consequences on their actions, which in turn, allows the addict to continue their behavior. The counselor advises the family to write a letter to the addict stating the reasons for their disapproval of their addiction and the consequences of their behavior on them.
This show allowed me to see that when you make bad choices in child rearing, it is a disaster. Children learn that there are no consequences for their bad behavior and they continue to behave in a bad way the rest of their life. When the one girl involved on the show was a product of divorce, she used drugs and alcohol to soothe her emotions ,and her addiction spiraled out of control until the counselor advised the family to let her hit the bottom. Once the girl lost her family, her job, her friends, and almost her life, she went to counseling and got the needed help. It took years, but she managed to kick her habit, thus returning her to her family in the end. My question to this is why the parent's took so long to hold the girl accountable for her bad behavior. It is possible that love caused this to happen, but I have always been the type of person that thinks that a person is responsible for their life. If they make bad choices, then you have to let them live with them. As the old saying goes.."if you go to bed with dogs, you get fleas"...I think that more parents should practice the "tough love" method. From my past experience, it is the only way to make a person change. While it is hard, it is the only way that works!! Allowing adults and teenagers to terrorize a family by their behavior with no consequences is a proven failure. I think that anyone with an addiction or anyone that is dealing with a loved one with an addiction should watch this show. It is also a good show to watch if you have teenagers that are going to the dark side with hanging with bad people. Life is about choices. Some things happen that are bad in life, but in order to survive, it is crucial to learn and teach that there is consequences for everything in life, even with a family that loves you...have a great day!